Checking In
I think we have all done it, sometimes not even intentionally…
There has been a few things go on in my life the past few years that have been pretty big, significant events or times, and I have been quite open and honest as to what is going on to those around me.
However, I think I have noticed that there are only a small handful of people out there, and even in my circle that check in on you. I don’t mean rocking up to your front door unannounced (although that can sometimes be nice). I mean things like when you say your father was diagnosed with Prostate cancer, its those friends that ask you even months later, “how he is doing”, “how I am doing?” They are the questions that mean something to the person on the other side.
The past week I have had several friends ask me how I am feeling about the anniversary that just past for Mike, they would let me know that they are available that day or other days if I needed support or company, they would ask what I was doing for the day, they would ask if they could drop a meal over for me so I had food incase I didn’t want to cook.
Its those check-in calls, those check-in texts that mean so much.
But how often do we get so busy with our own lives, that we forget about just sending that quick text or making that quick call. It makes such a world of difference to people, I can not tell you enough.
It doesn’t obviously have to be related to cancer. We have become a society that hides behind our computers, our phones, some even become anxious of human interaction now. But also, think about how much time you spend meaninglessly on social media. One of those minutes could be used for checking in on that friend that was finding things hard at work, that was going through a tough break-up, that has been getting restless nights due to their newborn. Checking in is something we should do on a regular basis. Yet, so many of us always say we are too busy.
It can feel extremely lonely when you are stuck in a tough situation, if you have reached out to people to tell them what is going on, they may initially listen, but then never check-in on you again. It makes you feel alone, but also makes you feel reluctant to try to contact them, making you feel like you are a burden. I lost a number of friends in the past years, when friends do not show the compassion or time for you, it would make me even more sad. In hindsight, I should have potentially spoke to them or had a conversation, however, the thought of confrontation was terrifying to me, and I did not want to them to think I was just that sad, pathetic friend. However, I have found that having those conversations can at times bring relationships closer, sometimes you need to explain what help and support you need. And that is OK.
Who are you going to check-in on today?
Do you need to apologise to a friend for not checking-in?
Do you need to ask friends to check-in on you?